Goodbye, My Baby Angel... 再會了，我的寶貝小天使...

December 2nd started out with a horrible morning for us, and it was by far the worst and the saddest day in my life. We awoke to find our cat, Soji, having a seizure and salivating on the floor. We rushed to bring her to the hospital, but by the time we arrived, she was nearly gone and we had to let her go. It all happened very quickly--too quickly. It was unexpected and yet, expected. We are devastated, all we can think about is her. I knew I would have to write this as part of my healing process.

She was diagnosed with a late stage lymphoma at the end of August this year. The way her condition was, we were told her days would be a lot shorter. She was already in pain and was having diarrhea most of the time, but she never gave up! All the vets we spoke to were surprised by how much appetite she had until her very last hours. There were bad days, of course, but overall, she wanted to fight the disease and be with us as long as she could. We've been very touched throughout this whole process by her strong will and, especially, her dignity. 

 

The most difficult part was coming home. When she was well, she used to run to the door to greet us, then stand up on her hind legs and reach up to us with her front paws, like a dog. Even when she was very ill later on and wasn't able to stand up, she would often make a little noise to let us know how happy she was to see us. She was such a sweetie. Now that she's no longer here with us, the apartment does not feel the same; everything reminds us of her, from places she liked to sit, her bed, litter boxes, food bowls, bed, toys, her leftover food in the fridge, to her screen photo on my iPad...., I could go on and on, but in every corner, there is a piece of memory from her. The truth is she had been a huge part of our lives. When you've been living with someone for so long, you take it for granted, and don't even realize how much you rely on them until they're gone!

Though the morning of December 2nd was not pleasant, it was still a beautiful day to me. The snow started falling a little bit before she had the seizure. I knew there's a reason why Soji chose to leave on a snowy day: she knows how much we love the snow in Quebec. Also coming from New Paltz, NY, she was born in the winter herself, it probably took her back to her early days. Goodbye, my child and my beautiful angel. We thank you for all the love you gave us. Perhaps you're now free like the falling snow in the air, and perhaps we'll meet again one day. Whatever it is, we will always think of you and your beautiful loving soul as we see the snow fall....

This is one of my all-time favourite pictures of Soji! I took this just about one year ago. She is so photogenic, which makes it very easy for me to take her picture. Everyone who met her always told us how beautiful and young-looking she was. My favourite part is her eyes; they're so pretty, like flowers.

這張照片可以算是我最喜歡的其中之一！那是大約一年前我幫她照的。由於她非常上相，我怎麼照都很容易照出好看的照片來。第一次見過她的人總是看不出她已是老貓，且稱讚她是多麼的漂亮！我自己最喜歡的是她那又大又圓又美麗的眼睛

Two summers ago, we took her to Plaines d'Abraham several times to enjoy the sun and nature. It was something we'd always wanted to do when we were in NY, but it was not very easy with the crowds and the noise there. I'm so glad she had the chance to do that here. To read and see more photos about our day in the park, click here.

一年半前我們曾幾度帶她去家裡附近的公園讓她享受陽光及大自然。以前住在紐約的時候總是想帶她出門，但在人多吵雜的大城市裡似乎比較難，一直沒機會，我很欣慰她在這裡能有那樣的機會。閱讀以及看更多我們在公園的照片請按這裡

One of her favorite things was to be wrapped in a blanket! The minute I put the blanket on her, she would just fall asleep.

她之前最喜歡的其中一件事就是被裹在毯子裡。只要我一把毯子蓋在她身上，她馬上就會轉頭大睡

 

2013年12月2日大概是我有生以來最悲傷的一天。早晨醒來時，發現我們的貓咪Soji整個身體開始不停的抽動著，並口水直流。我們趕緊馬上送她到獸醫院急診室，但是當我們抵達時，她的心跳已經顯的非常的微弱了，在無法留住她的情況之下，我們只好流淚選擇讓她離開。雖然這算是我們預期中遲早會發生的事，但同時又感覺是那麼的突然、快速。失去她的感覺真是萬分難受，我知道我必須把它轉換成文字來替自己療傷。

Soji早在今年八月底時，做檢查被診斷為晚期淋巴癌。找了不同的醫生，我們都被告知以她的情況，只剩下幾個星期至一、兩個月左右。那時的她已經常拉肚子並活在病痛裡，但她卻從未輕易的放棄過！所有我們拜訪過的獸醫都很驚訝她在離開的前一天還能吃好幾餐，直到最後的那幾個小時才失去食慾。當然，也不可能沒有不好的時候，但大致上來說，她一直都很努力的在跟病魔駁鬥，並很有尊嚴的活在當下。在這整個過程中，我們好幾次被她那勇敢、堅強的意志力感動！

Soji離開之後，最難的是回到那空蕩的家。當她還沒有生病之前，每當我們出門回來，她一定都會跑到門口並像小狗一般以後腿站起來迎接我們。甚至當她病痛而不能走動時，當我們進門，她也都會出聲讓我們知道她有多高興看到我們。她總是那麼的甜又愛撒嬌，但現在家裡面沒有她的聲音，讓整個家變的像完全不同的地方。回到家裡看到的所有一切，都讓我們想起她，從她所喜歡的每個角落到她的床、床單、碗、玩具、冰箱裡吃剩下的食物、或我iPad螢幕上的照片…這種種的一切都存有她的生命在裡面！她陪伴我們的時間已有13年多了，當我們與一個人/生物生活在一起那麼多年，自然的不會去想太多並習慣所有的一切，直到我們失去了，才發現原來我們是多麼的依賴他/它！

雖然12月2日那天早晨對我們來說是悲慘的，但它卻又是那麼的美。就在Soji發作前不久，外面開始飄起雪來，我深信她選擇那一天那一刻離開是有原因的。她一直都曉得我們有多麼喜愛魁北克的雪；除此之外，也讓來自紐約上州New Paltz以及出生於寒冷冬季的她，回到她最初的兒時記憶。再會了，我美麗的小天使，非常感謝妳這麼多年來所給予我們的愛。也許現在的妳可以自由的如雪花般在天空中飛舞；也許未來的某一天我們會再相逢。不管如何，每當我們看見雪花飄落之時，它將會永遠讓我們想起妳與妳那純淨又美麗的靈魂…

This was taken about 3 months ago, right after we found out about her lymphoma. At the time, she still looked and acted pretty much the same as usual.

這是約三個月前我們發現她得了淋巴癌之後不久照的，那時候的她還與從前看起來沒什麼兩樣 

When she was still moving well, whenever I worked with food, she was always the first one to be there! Even though she would disturb my work sometimes, I did not mind and I certainly miss it a lot now…

還能活動的時候，每當我為我的部落格拍照食物，她一定會過來岔一腳，甚至打擾我工作，但是我總是喜歡那樣的她

Another favourite thing of hers was to come sit on our laps when we worked on computers, and she especially loved my husband's lap! I used to joke and say that she was his "secretary." When she was still able to jump two months ago, she did that one night while we were working. Knowing that she wouldn't be able to enjoy it soon, she looked especially sad that night. It was about a week after that she began having serious trouble jumping and almost didn't come to our laps after that…

當我們坐在電腦前工作時，她很喜歡跳到我們的腿上坐下來要我們摸她。她特別喜歡這樣對老公撒嬌，我常笑說她是老公的"秘書"。這是約兩個月前的一天晚上照的，她那天看起來特別的憂傷，大概是自己心裡明白很快就不能像這樣跳到我們的腿上了。果然在一星期之後，她不能跳躍的情況開始變嚴重，那之後她就幾乎沒能再到我們的腿上…

We have never had balcony with any of the apartment we lived before. After moving to this apartment, the balcony became one of her favorite hang out places!

之前住過的地方從來沒有陽台，所以搬到這裡後成了她最喜歡的其中一個地方

While she was still able to walk a month ago, we let her went on the balcony to enjoy a little bit of snow. Though it was a happy moment, I couldn't bear to see the wind blew those cold snow flakes on her tiny little body

一個月前下雪時，趁她還能走動，讓她到陽台上看雪。但是看到寒風把冰冷的雪花吹落在她那已變得非常弱小的身軀上，讓我很不忍心

Since she could no longer walk much during her last 2 weeks and it was really freezing outside, my husband would usually hold her in his arms to let her see the balcony views, and she liked that very much. I love this photo; it was as if she was saying, "I'll always be daddy's little girl!"

她離開的2個星期前就開始不太能走動了，而外面又非常的寒冷，每當老公把她抱在懷裡帶她到陽台透氣看風景時，她就會很開心。我非常喜愛這張照片，她似乎在說：「爸爸，我永遠是你的小女孩！」